The Race to the Bottom

Okay, this isn't really about this year's dismal team, but there's a doozy of an interview in the Chicago Tribune today. Sammy Sosa conveniently remembered how to speak English this week upon the announcement that he is not one of the Cubs' five "Hometown Heroes," the latest lame promotion from Bud Selig. Please note the selection criteria, according to MLB: "on-field performance, leadership quality and character value." Apparently, Sosa just saw the part about statistics.

Here are some choice quotes from the erstwhile slugger, who's chilling in Miami while planning his, um, steroid-free comeback.

"This is supposed to be the five best players?"

"I am not a bad player—no way, Jose."

"When I heard that I was not on the list, I said, 'Oh, my God.' I was shocked and surprised. The five best players? You have to calculate my numbers."

"But you have to understand, no matter what happened outside the field doesn't mean people are going to forget what happened on the field."

And my favorite:

"You see people do more things that are worse. I did nothing criminal. People made that a big problem."

He then went on to note that he's a "mature guy" and that he's now making better decisions. (Like not putting cork in his bat or shooting testosterone into his ass?)